Help Yourself
by thatgirlinPajamas
Summary: Problems, problems and pain. Oh the fun we have when reminiscing about how shit our lives are. Meet them all as they say about their tortured past.
1. Faking Smiles and Hope

**hey guys! This is my original story all edited and prettied up. Current song I'm listening to : you belong with me Taylor swift. give me an awesome idea for a Malec fic. I'll write that up :P and my other new story enchanted will hopefully be updated daily twice or I'll make it longer chapters and just daily maybe every two days. :D**

" It all started the day my father was murdered in front of me. I opened the door to see a pair of huge men in dark, stiff clothing. The taller of the two had a silvery scar slashed across his face, disfiguring his cheeks. His eyes were a dark brown, almost black, and they were cold, hard, and unforgiving, although one was slightly cloudy. The other man was bulkier; with ice grey eyes and his arm muscles bulged and rippled. He was covered in tribal tattoos, the intricate patterns seemed to dance and swirl in the blinding sunlight. I was roughly shoved aside by the tall one and they cautiously made their way into my house. I was ten; I thought they were friends, so I called out to Dad to announce their arrival.

"Dad! There are some men here to see you!"

The bulky one turned towards me with fire and something I couldn't place- fear maybe? dancing in his eyes. He lashed out with his huge hand with lightning speed and precision. Before I could register what was going on his fist connected with my head and I was knocked out and sent flying into the wall. When I came to, I was chained up high on a strange cold wall, and in the gloom I could just make out my fathers hunched figure on the ground in front of me.

I groggily searched around, for an escape, ignoring the excruciating pain in my head and back, and everywhere else. I slowly began recognizing where I was, the music rom. The only soundproofed room in the house, because when I was five my father deemed my music 'Torture to the ears and mind' and soundproofed it. I heard a low groan, then heavy footsteps, then the dull thunk of boot meeting flesh.

A harsh blinding light flickered on, giving me a shrieking head ache. The two men from earlier entered, and this time they had a woman with them. I briefly considered trying to bargain and plead with her, but I looked in to her cold emerald eyes, burning with pure hatred, and knew she would be of no use. She was wearing a professional looking suit and her fiery red hair was done up in a tight bun. She walked over to the piano, then played a quick sequence of five notes. The bottom of the piano dropped out, revealing a wide range of sharp and glittery weapons. She selected a long wickedly gleaming dagger and handed it, hilt first, to the tall man. He took it and… and-"

I stopped speaking and looked at the ground, not wanting the others to see the tears streaming silently down my face.

"And now,"

I stopped again, my voice wavering, and pulled up the edge of my shirt, revealing the scars and fresh wounds.

"And now this."

My voice cracked and my body was shaking with unshed tears. I hesitantly glanced up at Jem, the group leader, who smiled at me. I tried to sit back in the hard uncomfortable chair and look relaxed, after a bit of internal struggle I plastered a grin on my face. Jem tsked and smiled kindly at me with his eyes.

"Jace, continue, please. Ignore everyone else. Tell me."

I tried to hide my surprise at the fact he knew more about my past. Jem laughed heartily,  
"Don't look so surprised Jace, gosh! I am only a trained professional! Sheesh!"  
Jem joked. I glared at him, then I felt my gaze glide to the ground. I managed to stutter out a weak comeback, then I strengthened my voice and continued with my story.

oh I'm proud of my little original fanfic! It's gotten four reviews! Thanks cupcake! Thanks to all my followers and other people and just that's for reading!


	2. Repair my laughter

**haha this is chapter two. So enjoy! And also chapter song = feel inside (and stuff like that) by flight of the conchords... :P**

"After my father was- yeah. I was put into the foster system. I lived in a government building for about six months until, a young couple, Stephen and Celine Herondale, came in. I had gotten into trouble a few minutes earlier, and I was crying. They took pity on me and then, I was Jace Herondale. Celine was nice, she very pretty and very caring. Stephen was the exact opposite. He would beat me, then hit me again for crying, every day again and again."

I laughed bitterly and I felt my face heat with salty tears. Suddenly the group blurred and I felt myself slide off the seat and a sharp pain. But it was very distant, my surroundings changed, and I was in a dark shadowy forest, with huge pine trees threatening to close in on me. _Out of the shadows a dark human like figure, stepped into the light. The woman who killed my father was grinning evilly at me, her cold emerald eyes filled with disgust and pity._

_ "You killed her."_

_ The woman whispered. "I am Jocelyn Morgenstern. And you killed my daughter."_

The scene was fading away and two words flashed across my mind 'panic attack'. A concerned silver face was peering at me, and warm strong hands were cupping my face. Everything was blurry and there were spots colouring my vision. Jem was watching me carefully, his face inches from mine.

"What- what happened?"

I asked, though I suspect it came out as more of a gurgle. "Come on, up now." Jem removed his hands from my face and grasped my forearms.

"Jace? Jace!? Jace come on!"

Jem's grip tightened on my forearms. I could feel myself slipping away again. Slipping into darkness. Then a sudden cold chill rushed through my body. Everything came back to me in a rush. From Izzy and Alec's worried faces, to Magnuss bored look, to Jems furious expression. Wait, why was Jem angry!? Jem is never angry, the most emotion he shows is a mild exasperation. I blinked and everything slowly returned to its usual clarity. I shook my head and attempted to mumble out the rest of my tale.

"I was a player, catching girls with my looks. I kept them for a few weeks, a month at the most. Then they would be tossed aside. I knew I broke their hearts, but I didn't care, I was using them to get away from it all. Then I changed. I met Clary one day at a club in town, Pandemonium, she was beautiful. I sauntered over to her, at that time all I wanted was her."

I stopped for a second and grinned sheepishly at the rest of the group.

"We spoke for a bit, then we exchanged numbers. She was really drunk, I think, I'm pretty sure she wasn't the type of girl to go around giving out her number. I wanted to speak to her again but I decided to wait a few days to let her hangover, because I knew she would have a dreadful one, wear off. Those few days were agony. She was all I knew I needed in a woman, stubborn, intelligent, beautiful in her own way, and with enough humour to put up with me. Anyway, when I texted her she had clearly forgotten who I was, although when I saw her at my school the next day, she remembered, we started dating about a week after that. It was um, wonderful. We were dating for about 2 years. And um, yeah but I found her one day, her cold lifeless body, chained to a bed with blood flowing around her in cascades."

I spat out the last few sentences with a burning mixture of hatred and grief, threatening to over whelm me.

"I found the sick bastard who did it."

I whispered, tears flowing freely down my face, I passed my gaze over the others in the group, Izzy, Alec, Magnus, Jem and finally Chelsea. In all of their eyes I could see pity mixed with horror, and understanding. Except for Jem, it was Jems expression that really puzzled me. His face was contorted into a mask of hatred and his silver eyes sparked dangerously with a odd emotion I couldn't figure out.

"I got him back,"

I mumbled, my croaking voice barely audible.

"I was laughing the whole time. Of course, now I'm not allowed to leave the country, but I can't afford it anyway."

I told my knee. I shifted uncomfortably and shrugged at Jem, who was still glaring daggers at something over my shoulder. I shrugged it off when someone coughed loudly and Jem masked his anger into a encouraging grin. "Thanks for sharing Jace, I can see your making progress already. Lets try and not have a repeat of before yeah?" Jem nodded at Magnus next to me, who moved his brightly decorated chair forwards slightly with his sparkly nails, and a nervously bored expression, and began recounting his tale.

**haha chapter two revisited. I didn't really know ANYTHING about fanfic writing back way then so it's kinda bad... But cupcake persuaded me to keep it on here... So yeah! Go check out cupcakeinaonezie she is literally amazing. Literally.**


	3. False Saviour

**Magnus POV**  
"I don't have an exciting horror story to keep you all entertained guys, just saying." I tried to act like the prospect of sharing my life story was not a big deal. Jem nodded and smiled at me, the resumed glaring at the blue eyed, black haired man standing behind Jace, the man was grinning idiotically at the group and he stood in a relaxed pose with his hands hidden in his oversized black hoodie pockets. I decided to go for a blunt approach and say something to Jem "Are you gonna invite him to sit Jem, he looks like he wants to speak to you. Darling, please come over and wipe that ridiculous grin off your face." I said, directing the last sentence at the man. Jem had fury and hurt in his eyes, but now it was directed at me. I was shocked, and many other emotions I couldn't name. The man came and sat on my lap and smirked at Jem, proclaiming loudly,  
"I'm Will," he paused, turning to me, "you, are gor-gee-uss." Drawing out the syllables in gorgeous. I adjusted my arms to push him off me, disgusted, when he kissed me. A full on kiss, with his tongue roughly shoved into my mouth, I sat still, too shocked to do anything, when rough hands pulled him off me, he was flung to the floor. Jem was shaking in pure unmasked fury. Alec had thrown himself at Jem to stop him from killing Will. Will was laughing maniacally and I kicked him, hard, right in the nose. I heard I distinctive crack and blood started pouring down his face. Jace barked out a harsh laugh and slipped out of his hard chair on top of Will, pinning him painfully to the ground. Chelsea was sitting there looking bored, then hers eyes darkened and she ran into Jem's kitchen, screaming random words, and then she suddenly stopped. I dismissed her behaviour, thinking she was scared and hungry. Izzy was staring blankly at the scene before her with her long dark hair hanging limply in oily dreadlocks. Suddenly there was an awful screeching noise from the kitchen, and Jace's head snapped up, along with Jem's and Will's. while Jace was distracted, Will rolled and Jace was knocked to the floor, but Jace continued staring at the door to the kitchen. Chelsea came flying out of the door a second later, a huge bowl of popcorn in her hands. She screamed at Jem "YOUR MICROWAVE IS BROKEN, I DON'T KNOW WHY!" Chelsea stopped dead in her tracks when she saw everyone staring at her, "Awwwwwwwwwwww, I wanna watch the fight!" Chelsea whined. She started throwing popcorn at Jem and Izzy, then she glared at me and I saw her eyes were almost pure black, with a tiny dot of burning gold in the centre, where the pupil would be. I backed away from her as she advanced on me, blinking repeatedly. She drew a knife that she had hidden in her sleeve and a dark heavy shape bashed into her. She screamed and pulled out a crudely made leather whip and started lashing at the shape still screaming. I then realised she was forming words and the others were gaping open mouthed at Chelsea. "WEREWOLF! WEREWOLF!" she screamed over and over again, the shape growled and she bashed the hilt of her knife into its head. It whimpered and fell down, a light trickle of blood creeping from its head. Jem screamed, a scream that told of heart break and hurt. Of anger and hatred, and of love. Alec tightened his grip on JEM and I decided to regain control of Chelsea. She was lashing around her at the air and screaming some thing about a parabatai. I slowly crept up behind her, nimbly dodging her wildly flailing arms. My phone buzzed and I ignored it, still creeping towards Chelsea. I grabbed her in a restricting bear hug and she stopped moving, before twisting slowly in my grip and sobbing into my shoulder. I was confused by her behaviour, she only joined the group three days ago when Jace found her, bleeding and scared in a deserted alley. Alec coughed behind me and I edged around a tiny bit to see him. Jace had Will pinned to the ground with his hands behind his back, and was tying his hands together with some zip ties. Jem was seated on his own couch next to Izzy, who was still staring blankly at the ground where the fight was. Jem was shaking fiercely and his breathing was heavy. Jace finished locking Wills hands and had hauled him to his feet. I felt Chelsea shift and I gently pried her off me and gave her a shove towards Jem, hoping that they would each calm the other down. Jem went into work mode immediately and gathered Chelsea in his arms and walked out of the room with her, whispering soothing reassurances and softly stroking her hair. Jace roughly pushed Will into the hallway and out the door, Alec went and sat next to Izzy, who's face was now covered in silent tears, replacing where Jem had been moments ago. I was standing in the centre of the room and I was extremely confused as to what was going on. Deciding I wanted answers, I followed Jace and Will out. "Alright scum," I announced in a cold clear voice. "I want answers, and I want them now. No. Fluffing. Around." Punctuating my words with my finger, stabbing at the air. Will laughed and sauntered away, his hands were white and he played at a relaxed pose, but I could see he was working at undoing the zip ties. He got his hands free and sprinted away, leaving a surprised Jace behind. Jace's jaw was hanging down, and I slinked towards the golden boy, then snapped my hand under his chin. "Shut the trap Golden Boy, you'll let in the flies." I casually waltzed back inside Jems house, leaving Jace staring bewildered at my retreating back. I re entered the lounge room seeing it exactly as I left it, with Alec and Izzy sitting together on the couch, as Izzy cried. Jem and Chelsea still hadn't returned and I sighed heavily, flopping onto the nearest chair. Chelsea bounded into the room and onto my back, making me jump slightly in surprise. She whispered in my ear "Hey Maggie your very shiny today, are you a vampire? Because if you are," she paused and chuckled to herself, then pulled out a knife again. "I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to get rid of Mr. Sparkles." She pressed the knife lightly to my throat and drew a thin line all the way up to my ear. Chelsea giggled and skipped away to Jem who was watching me with concern etched deeply into his features. I studied Chelsea and saw her eyes had returned to the usual hazel colour. I tried to control my racing heart and the fear I knew was shining in my eyes. Izzy's eyes suddenly snapped to Jace as he entered behind me, and for the first time in about twenty minutes she looked like she was completely with us. I was curious, but knew not to press or I would be kicked from the group. I leaned further into the soft leather reclining chair and sighed tiredly, waiting for someone to speak. When somebody spoke it was not who I expected. "Jace!?"

**ooooooooooh who is it... At the moment I have no idea. Yay!**


	4. Dance of Ice and bruises

**Oh my goldfish! It's been so long! I've actually had this written on paper for ages but I couldn't be bothered typing it! But now I can! No promises for when chapter five will be up... Could be a month could be tomorrow I don't know.. But I'm sticking with my baby! :3 I don't own tmi... Or goldfish... :P**

Chapter 4

Jems POV

Anger was coursing through my veins, I threw myself onto the soft vintage couch, next to where Izzy was gazing blankly at the floor, she had traces of fear and hatred in her eyes, I instantly saw she was having a flashback. I knew better than to touch her, or try to interrupt her in any way, as that would make it worse. Before i knew it Magnus had pushed an uncontrollably sobbing chelsea towards me, i instantly went into work mode. I gathered Chelsea in my arms and wandered carefully with her towards my bedroom. She had stopped sobbing in the hallway and I could faintly hear shuffling noises in the lounge. I dismissed it and turned my attention back to Chelsea. She giggled and flopped ungracefully onto the deluxe king bed in the centre of the room and stared, wide eyed and open mouthed and the ceiling.

I noted with surprise that her eyes were almost black, with gold dots in the centre. She began giggling uncontrollably then, stopped short and began to choke. I stared at her for a second before she stopped just as I had registered what was happening. She closed her eyes and smiled peacefully, her breathing slowing and her tense posture relaxing. I decided that she might be scared when she woke up, so I lay down next to her and briefly mentally filed and stored all my anger and hurt from seeing Will again, away. a few minutes of just laying on my bed, I was listening to Chelsea's breathing and the muted sounds still emerging from the hallway, I felt the bed shift beneath me, and Chelsea sat up, I cracked my eyes open just enough to see a blurry outline, then I felt a sharp pain on my arm that faded quickly.

With my eyes fully open now, I could see that Chelsea was staring at me with big hazel, pleading eyes. She giggled shortly then slapped my stomach softly.

"Jemmy, get up. I wanna go get bacon."

She whined, breaking the near silence. She bounded out of the room and down the hall, with me closely behind her. I looked on in shock, as Chelsea had drew a knife and was pressing it against Magnus's throat, I watched him carefully, worried that the knife might trigger a panic attack. I didn't know Magnus's story well enough, just that he had cut himself previously and was currently struggling with a serious gambling problem. Chelsea had just jumped off Magnus's back and was leaping towards me when I saw a furious bulky man enter. He stopped short when he glimpsed Jace, then began to flap his mouth open and shut, like a goldfish. Then he composed himself and yelled out,

"Jace?!"

Izzys POV

I stared blankly at the floor as I felt fear flood my body. Distantly I felt Jem sit next to me, but I ignored it, because my mind was overloaded with concern. Concern for Chelsea. As much as I hated to admit it I was hopelessly in love with her. No! I scolded my self. Being like this is why I am here, why haven't seen, let alone spoken to my parents. I briefly realised that Magnus had shoved Chelsea towards me. The couch was shaking lightly then it stopped as Jem tensed. There were noises and people were speaking, but everything was blurry against the beauty that is Chelsea. Her ordinarily gorgeous hazel eyes had turned an ugly black, with burning pits of pure gold in the centre, like Jace's. her stunning chocolate locks were standing on end.

She practically crackled with electricity. I felt light headed and I slowly and painfully released a breath I didn't know I was holding. Jem stood and gathered Chelsea into his arms and she leaned into him slightly. I could see through the black and slightly hazely gold eyes enough, enough to know that she was in love with Jem. Jem could never love her back though, and it was crushing her slowly. Jem and Chelsea walked out of the slightly destroyed lounge room and jealousy filled me, overpowering and painful. I was, admittedly, extremely scared.

Before, I played with boys hearts, then broke them like last years Christmas toys. Then I met Simon, we dated for about two months. All that time, it felt like something was wrong, like something was missing. I finally realised that and broke it off with him. He was devastated and so was I. About a week after that I started dating girls. I went through them like I did with guys. While I was lost in my thoughts I hadn't realised that Jace and Magnus had left, and Will too.

Alec had moved from where he was laying shocked and came slowly towards me. I was jolted from my thoughts temporarily when he flopped down on the couch. I blinked and returned to my thoughts, this time taking a different path than my tragic love life. It startling how much Alec and Will look alike. Maybe we are somehow distantly related. Then my thoughts wandered to Jem. What happened with him and Will? They were clearly very close and Jem was obviously very hurt. Maybe...

I stopped that thought before it could go any further. Then, as always, my mind wandered to Chelsea. I wonder if Jem liked girls, the would she be happy? My mind snapped back to the present as Chelsea bounded in, her now hazel eyes sparkling.

She leapt onto Magnus' back and I was once again flooded with jealousy. She whispered something in his ear and drew a knife. jem was studying Magnus with an intense gaze, his hands clenching and unclenching ever so slightly. He was probably still mad at Will turning up. He had a far off look, like he was fighting a huge internal battle. He then collected himself and turned his gaze to the burly man staring in disbelief at Jace's curly golden locks. The mans mouth flapped open and shut like a goldfish and her stared until he could form a coherent word,

"Jace?!"

**ok phew that was a hard one to write... Oh I have a little tasty treat for you too... K here's the chapter 5 snippet.**

**_she shrieked with laughter and flew into the girls arms making both of them fall onto the grass laughing like crazy. Chelsea untangled herself from the girl and stood, helping the girl up. The girl laughed again and stuck out her hand._**

**_"Cat Peterson, at you service."_**

**_what a melodious voice. I was in love. Again._**

**_peace out,_**

**_that girl in Pajamas_**


End file.
